Anticipation

Here is how I wish things will go when we first meet.... or atleast how I dream them up. Enjoy. xxx

From that very first day we started talking I have been wanting to meet you. Longing for that very first kiss and that very first touch.That day has finally arrived and I get to meet the man who has made my heart beat faster and my nights seem shorter.I am beginning to get nervous, feeling my stomach fill with butterflies as the time passes. My body starting to twitch in anticipation as my bus gets closer to the airport where you flight is due to land in half an hour. The rain gently batting on the window making me drift ever so slightly in the thoughts of you and your sweet kisses ( at least I imagine them to be). Just a light drizzle is left by the time I get off the bus and make my way to the airport waiting area.

I am too nervous to stand while I wait for him so I look around and find an empty seat and sit down, taking my book out of my bag. I try my best to calm my nerves down but just the reading doesn't seem to keep my mind at east. I am so nervous.I decide to pop my headphones in and turn on my music and start zoning back into my book, forgetting my surroundings.I escape to the world of American Gods ...

I am taken out of my dreams by a warm gentle hand squeezing my shoulder lightly. Startled by this I jump up and turn around quickly.It is here , at this moment, that I realize that I had fallen asleep and that your plan had landed almost an hour ago.You stay there ,behind me (well now in front since I turned around but you know...), just smiling at me. I smile back at you and start to hurry around the seats to find myself close to you. You put your bag down and take me into your arms in a sweet embrace. Holding me and letting me press tightly into you smelling you , absorbing you. You take my face into your sturdy hands and lift my face up a little higher so I am looking at you and you ever so slightly kiss my forehead.Its like everything and everyone just stopped happening. Like nothing else mattered and its just you and me. I smile and let out a small sigh of relief.

We slowly make our way out of the crowded airport and back out into the cool rain. I call us a cab so we can get into the city and to your hotel room where god knows what adventures lay ahead of us.In the car you just cant help but smile as you take my hand into yours and make me blush....

This part I wrote. It all came naturally the rest... will come by mail in a few weeks and it was part of a dream that started when you made me blush that very first time. I really do hope you will enjoy my writing. I try my best to make what I feel make sense for you...sometimes for me too...

Back... Maybe

So I haven't done this whole blogging thing in a bit.Ive been dreaming of course , except nothing has been the same since He and I drifted apart. I miss him terribly but in the end i know it was for the best. So whats been new. Not much really . Life is hectic as always and I have a new job again . It sucks but hey... it pays the bills.

I had a new friend for a while.Lets call him G . He was 40 but still very good looking .The sex was good but I stupidly fell in love with him and told him how I felt praying and hoping so hard that he wouldn't run. But in the end I lost him. I miss his kisses against my skin , his warm hands against my naked body. I miss the way he would kiss my forehead when I was feeling down or tell me it was all gonna be okay. In the end it was all Bullshit.

The problem with me is that I fall in love too easily. I let people in without thinking of the outcome. Everyone gets a chance in my books . Everyone is equal and everyone is trusted and loved until they are given a reason not to be.

My 22nd birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I am fairly sure I will be spending it alone again this year.No cake , no presents , no friends or family around other then the usual mom , brother and step dad. Last year on my birthday the 4 of us went out to dinner ( which I paid my 4th of the bill) and then I went to the movies alone to see Shrek the 3rd and then walked home in the pouring rain. It sucked.

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. I just want to love and be loved by family , men and what not and I cant even seem to get that. Am I that bad of a person that I don't deserve happiness ? Am I that much of a bitch that not one man has been in my life for more then a few months ? Seriously ... Whats wrong with me ????

Guess I will finish off this blog by adding a picture and typing in my most recent poem in here. Enjoy and sorry about all the ranting and bitching.

Fix Me
I hear the pieces of my broken heart
Yearning for that special kiss.
To feel the touch
Of him I love.
A tender touch
So warm and true
Mending up the pieces whole.
I long for him
I wait for him
The one who’ll make me live again.
I wait and wait
The days are passing
And time is running.
I hope and pray that he is near.
The man I’ll hold so dear.