As the days pass I realize that I am falling. Falling for him, he who I don't know. Letting him in, somewhere deep inside. Somewhere that will eventually get hurt again. I'm trying to hold back these things I'm feeling, but every night my dreams remind me of them. I find myself hoping, hoping for more time to talk to him. I know I am becoming clingy, I know....
We are walking hand in hand in a field of daisies. The sun shines bright up above us and I can't help but smile.
He makes me all mushy inside.
He picks a single daisy and puts it behind my ear and smiles back at me , placing his gentle hand on my cheek. I look away, worried but I don't know why. He kisses my hand softly and as I look back at him he vanishes. Disappears , right out of my life like everyone else before him. The colours fade and everything becomes black and white except for the single tear that runs down my cheek, a blue so pure.
Its 1:30am. I haven't been asleep that long. I'm living in utter confusion. I miss him. I miss my friend. I miss the man that makes me feel so. I can't stop thinking. I can't get back to sleep. An hour or so passes and finally I manage to doze back off to sleep but only for an hour or so...3:30 comes around too fast.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Dreaming of Him
Sweet Sweet dreams of him... I am always thinking of him or dreaming of him and I don't quite know why.
We were walking in an empty art gallery.Thousands of erotic ( least to me) pictures and paintings up on the walls. We walk down the gallery hand in hand. His hand warm and gentle. He tells me we are almost there. We finally stop in front of a picture he took. A picture of me, sitting sideways with just my legs to cover up my breasts. I am completely naked and ever so blushed. I look at him and he smiles at me and I smile back as he takes me into his arms and just holds me. I tell him its beautiful. I smile some more as he takes my face between his hands and tells me its only beautiful cause it is of me. He kisses me so tenderly. I let my hands slide to his stomach and kiss him back as I slowly unbutton his shirt. His warm soft hands trail over my body, slowly lifting up my shirt. He kisses my neck and I let out a soft gentle moan of anticipation. He gently lays me down on the floor as he kisses his way down my body taking off my skirt as he goes. I feel it getting wetter down south as the want grows. He teases giving only a few gentle licks and light nibbles then kisses his way back up. He kisses me deeply, passionately and eases his way in me. I feel him sliding in slowly. I moan, holding him closely as I whisper sweet words in his ear. He gently starts thrusting in me and I start moving my body to meet his thrusts. Our bodies soon move as one. As we both start to moan with our breathing getting heavier by the minute, tensions building up as we get closer. The feel of his hot, sweaty body against mine is amazing. I hold him as we both thrust towards each other, feeling my nails against his skin lightly leaving marks as I am now very close. With one final thrust, a sweet gentle kiss and a gaze deep into each others eyes we both orgasm. I smile at him , blush and bite my lip.
And so... I wake up... its 6am and I had to leave for work at 5am...It was a good dream. Went back to bed to take care of what it caused soon as I was told to stay home today by my boss. :)
We were walking in an empty art gallery.Thousands of erotic ( least to me) pictures and paintings up on the walls. We walk down the gallery hand in hand. His hand warm and gentle. He tells me we are almost there. We finally stop in front of a picture he took. A picture of me, sitting sideways with just my legs to cover up my breasts. I am completely naked and ever so blushed. I look at him and he smiles at me and I smile back as he takes me into his arms and just holds me. I tell him its beautiful. I smile some more as he takes my face between his hands and tells me its only beautiful cause it is of me. He kisses me so tenderly. I let my hands slide to his stomach and kiss him back as I slowly unbutton his shirt. His warm soft hands trail over my body, slowly lifting up my shirt. He kisses my neck and I let out a soft gentle moan of anticipation. He gently lays me down on the floor as he kisses his way down my body taking off my skirt as he goes. I feel it getting wetter down south as the want grows. He teases giving only a few gentle licks and light nibbles then kisses his way back up. He kisses me deeply, passionately and eases his way in me. I feel him sliding in slowly. I moan, holding him closely as I whisper sweet words in his ear. He gently starts thrusting in me and I start moving my body to meet his thrusts. Our bodies soon move as one. As we both start to moan with our breathing getting heavier by the minute, tensions building up as we get closer. The feel of his hot, sweaty body against mine is amazing. I hold him as we both thrust towards each other, feeling my nails against his skin lightly leaving marks as I am now very close. With one final thrust, a sweet gentle kiss and a gaze deep into each others eyes we both orgasm. I smile at him , blush and bite my lip.
And so... I wake up... its 6am and I had to leave for work at 5am...It was a good dream. Went back to bed to take care of what it caused soon as I was told to stay home today by my boss. :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I fell asleep within minutes in the coolness of my room. Laying down on my side clinging on tight to my stuffed frog I just thought of him and what he had said. A single tear down my cheek as I sighed and finally drifted into sleep.
It was a hot summer day and I was relaxing with people I thought were my friends when the cops showed up. There were 10 of us but only 4 ( and me ) got caught. Knowing that I had nothing to do with the robbery , he ( the cop) got me to infiltrate the group once more and keep taps on em. I was then to lead them to the "safe house" where they could sleep unbothered for hours but it was a trap and he was supposed to come pick em up at 3am sharp. I did what I could but they wouldnt listen to me and went to wait for the 3am train to nowhere ( literally). FINALLY 10 minutes before the train * could hear it in the distance* about 7 cop cars show up and circle the place. They arrest me too, thinking I was trying to let them escape. I kept trying to tell him that it was THEM that wouldn't hear of staying in the safe house. He didn't believe me and it hurt cause we had been close and I needed him to trust me....
I woke up it was already 8:30am but I drifted back to sleep, a dreamless sleep for about an hour or so. Woke up thinking about him and what he had said the night before. I knew I was going to be okay , that everything was going to be alright. I have a friend like him and its all I need. I remembered the dream I had forgotten. I won't post all of it but I will tell you...
I was playing laser tag with people I didn't know but something happend and we all muted to either giants or dwarfs...and as in most of my dreams lately he was there and he was on my side of things. :)
It was a hot summer day and I was relaxing with people I thought were my friends when the cops showed up. There were 10 of us but only 4 ( and me ) got caught. Knowing that I had nothing to do with the robbery , he ( the cop) got me to infiltrate the group once more and keep taps on em. I was then to lead them to the "safe house" where they could sleep unbothered for hours but it was a trap and he was supposed to come pick em up at 3am sharp. I did what I could but they wouldnt listen to me and went to wait for the 3am train to nowhere ( literally). FINALLY 10 minutes before the train * could hear it in the distance* about 7 cop cars show up and circle the place. They arrest me too, thinking I was trying to let them escape. I kept trying to tell him that it was THEM that wouldn't hear of staying in the safe house. He didn't believe me and it hurt cause we had been close and I needed him to trust me....
I woke up it was already 8:30am but I drifted back to sleep, a dreamless sleep for about an hour or so. Woke up thinking about him and what he had said the night before. I knew I was going to be okay , that everything was going to be alright. I have a friend like him and its all I need. I remembered the dream I had forgotten. I won't post all of it but I will tell you...
I was playing laser tag with people I didn't know but something happend and we all muted to either giants or dwarfs...and as in most of my dreams lately he was there and he was on my side of things. :)
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Agitated
Last night was a very agitated night in dreamland, a total opposite to the last couple days.When I'm agitated I do one thing and that is CLEAN. I go on never ending cleaning sprees where I usually end up taking up double the time cause I make a mess first and rearrange all my furniture.But never has this occurred in a dream. Boy must I be VERY agitated.
I was in this very very big house and I was just cleaning. Moving around all the furniture in my bedroom and making more of a mess then anything. Someone knocks at my door. I open and there is no one but I hear the knock again. This time coming from my closet door. I quiver. I am scared and worried but finally I will myself to go look. I open the closet door and out comes this man and my brother. Who the man is I don't know but he walked in and hugged me. He looked through my room until he found a pair of red panties and said : Ive been looking for these....
I woke up. How freaky.Dozed back to sleep within 2 minutes,
I am on a bus. We are going down a very straight road letting people on over n over all different people. The bus driver is exactly like the man in the previous bit of dream and keeps letting people on even though no one gets off. I was feeling sick...
My alarm clock goes off and now I took all my 20 minutes I had to get ready to write this blog! Yikes!!
I was in this very very big house and I was just cleaning. Moving around all the furniture in my bedroom and making more of a mess then anything. Someone knocks at my door. I open and there is no one but I hear the knock again. This time coming from my closet door. I quiver. I am scared and worried but finally I will myself to go look. I open the closet door and out comes this man and my brother. Who the man is I don't know but he walked in and hugged me. He looked through my room until he found a pair of red panties and said : Ive been looking for these....
I woke up. How freaky.Dozed back to sleep within 2 minutes,
I am on a bus. We are going down a very straight road letting people on over n over all different people. The bus driver is exactly like the man in the previous bit of dream and keeps letting people on even though no one gets off. I was feeling sick...
My alarm clock goes off and now I took all my 20 minutes I had to get ready to write this blog! Yikes!!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Uneventful Sleep
The last 2 nights have been very uneventful in dreamland. There have been only little bits and pieces of dreams that I couldn't seem to remember. My sleep is off, and I don't like it. Either I am sleeping very little ( 4-6 hours) or insane amounts ( 9-11 hours been up to 14). My system just can't seem to get it right.
When I go to sleep. I lay there and I think. I don't know what I think about but I just lay there and stare into the nothingness until I pass out from exhaustion. I wish it would stop.The little bits I do dream though, its almost always about the same things and same persons. They know who they are. :) I remember one bit of dream from last night so here it goes.
I'd been walking in the snow for what seemed for hours. I was wearing a pale yellow, very flowing and very light dress but I wasn't cold. I was walking seeing him in the distance amongst the snowflakes but never seemed to be able to reach him no matter how much I walked.
And then my alarm clock rang. I rolled out of bed, hunted down my nightie in the dark and ended up plopping back into bed for 20 minutes. Just didn't want to deal with the headache that came with that brutal 6am wake up.
When I go to sleep. I lay there and I think. I don't know what I think about but I just lay there and stare into the nothingness until I pass out from exhaustion. I wish it would stop.The little bits I do dream though, its almost always about the same things and same persons. They know who they are. :) I remember one bit of dream from last night so here it goes.
I'd been walking in the snow for what seemed for hours. I was wearing a pale yellow, very flowing and very light dress but I wasn't cold. I was walking seeing him in the distance amongst the snowflakes but never seemed to be able to reach him no matter how much I walked.
And then my alarm clock rang. I rolled out of bed, hunted down my nightie in the dark and ended up plopping back into bed for 20 minutes. Just didn't want to deal with the headache that came with that brutal 6am wake up.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Dream : Bits n pieces
Bits and pieces of dreams from a long, cold ,lonely night where I was waking up every hour or so cause I was thinking to much.
Its raining and cold, I am alone in a corner.I don't know where I am and I wonder where he is? Why did he leave me here? I tremble. I cry.
I wake up. Its only 11:20 p.m. I've been in bed for 2 hours and have 4 more hours before I have to wake up for work.I drift back to sleep.
I'm now outside. The sun is shining brightly, there is not one cloud in the sky. I'm sitting on a picnic blanket in the green rolling hills of the park. He comes to find me and lays down on the blanket by my side and smiles. I lay down next to him as my heart flutters at his very touch.He leans over and gives me a sweet gentle kiss on the lips. So sweet tasting.I just want more. I kiss him back ...
And so I wake up... its now 12 a.m. I sit up in bed and wonder how many more times I am going to wake up during the night. I'm getting frustrated but I managed to drift back to sleep again.
The rain clouds roll into the sunny sky of where we were laying. An ice cold raindrop lands on my cheek and he wipes it off with his thumb. He smiles but it isn't like he normal does. He looks worried. I pick up on his uneasiness and ask him what is wrong. He just looks at me with the same worried smile. He kisses my forehead...
Grrrrrr.... I wake up again. Its now 2:30 a.m. I get up and go to the bathroom. Get back to bed and just lay there and wonder why he was looking at me so worried. I think of him and I miss him. I wish he'd been around that minute to tell me what was worrying him. I finally ( 20 minutes later) will myself back to sleep, lulled by the soothing sound of the rainstorm my alarm clock makes.I don't dream anymore. Just pitch black, dark empty space. Nothing to make the time pass by faster, nothing to make me smile in the morning. Just pitch black emptiness and loneliness.
Its raining and cold, I am alone in a corner.I don't know where I am and I wonder where he is? Why did he leave me here? I tremble. I cry.
I wake up. Its only 11:20 p.m. I've been in bed for 2 hours and have 4 more hours before I have to wake up for work.I drift back to sleep.
I'm now outside. The sun is shining brightly, there is not one cloud in the sky. I'm sitting on a picnic blanket in the green rolling hills of the park. He comes to find me and lays down on the blanket by my side and smiles. I lay down next to him as my heart flutters at his very touch.He leans over and gives me a sweet gentle kiss on the lips. So sweet tasting.I just want more. I kiss him back ...
And so I wake up... its now 12 a.m. I sit up in bed and wonder how many more times I am going to wake up during the night. I'm getting frustrated but I managed to drift back to sleep again.
The rain clouds roll into the sunny sky of where we were laying. An ice cold raindrop lands on my cheek and he wipes it off with his thumb. He smiles but it isn't like he normal does. He looks worried. I pick up on his uneasiness and ask him what is wrong. He just looks at me with the same worried smile. He kisses my forehead...
Grrrrrr.... I wake up again. Its now 2:30 a.m. I get up and go to the bathroom. Get back to bed and just lay there and wonder why he was looking at me so worried. I think of him and I miss him. I wish he'd been around that minute to tell me what was worrying him. I finally ( 20 minutes later) will myself back to sleep, lulled by the soothing sound of the rainstorm my alarm clock makes.I don't dream anymore. Just pitch black, dark empty space. Nothing to make the time pass by faster, nothing to make me smile in the morning. Just pitch black emptiness and loneliness.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Dream : The First Meeting
Into dream land I go and into it I take you with me....
It was a cool rainy summer afternoon and it was the first time I met him off line.He was everything Id thought he would be, sweet , gentle , caring and a whole lot of fun. Earlier that day I had been lounging around the living room waiting for him, door wide open as the rain made a light trickle noise out on the porch. I sat and waited for what seem for hours and then it happened. He showed up, smiling from ear to ear and soaked through his clothes. I let him in slowly pushing a very hyper dog away and instantly felt at ease. We hugged for the longest time without saying a word until he finally broke the silence and asked me if I would go for a hike with him.I replied that it was raining and I did not want to get sick but he told me to quit being a chicken and to live a little.
We are walking down the road to the path that leads to the forest behind my house, I am already half soaked through my sweater ( silly me should of worn a jacket) and he takes my hand gently into his.I can't help but smile at him.We walk in total silence but the sound of the rain now easing down a little falling onto the leaves of the trees and flowers and the occasional bird cry. Completely perfect! We walk about 3 km into the forest until we decide to head back because it was getting cold. We walk back still in silence, not one word is said the whole time but we always seem to be knowing what the other is thinking. We get in the house and change out of our wet clothes that we toss in the dryer and into our comfortable lounge wear ( aka jammies for me) and curl up on the couch together to watch a movie.
As the movie plays on we start talking about everything and anything only to realize that we do have a lot in common despite the years between us. I rest my head up on his chest and just listen to the slow steady beat of his heart and then I look up at him and smile as he lays a gentle kiss on my forehead.
I stumble out of bed completly in awe about the dream I had, my stomach tied in knots and my heart pounding as I think of him. I miss him and can't wait to hear from him...
It was a cool rainy summer afternoon and it was the first time I met him off line.He was everything Id thought he would be, sweet , gentle , caring and a whole lot of fun. Earlier that day I had been lounging around the living room waiting for him, door wide open as the rain made a light trickle noise out on the porch. I sat and waited for what seem for hours and then it happened. He showed up, smiling from ear to ear and soaked through his clothes. I let him in slowly pushing a very hyper dog away and instantly felt at ease. We hugged for the longest time without saying a word until he finally broke the silence and asked me if I would go for a hike with him.I replied that it was raining and I did not want to get sick but he told me to quit being a chicken and to live a little.
We are walking down the road to the path that leads to the forest behind my house, I am already half soaked through my sweater ( silly me should of worn a jacket) and he takes my hand gently into his.I can't help but smile at him.We walk in total silence but the sound of the rain now easing down a little falling onto the leaves of the trees and flowers and the occasional bird cry. Completely perfect! We walk about 3 km into the forest until we decide to head back because it was getting cold. We walk back still in silence, not one word is said the whole time but we always seem to be knowing what the other is thinking. We get in the house and change out of our wet clothes that we toss in the dryer and into our comfortable lounge wear ( aka jammies for me) and curl up on the couch together to watch a movie.
As the movie plays on we start talking about everything and anything only to realize that we do have a lot in common despite the years between us. I rest my head up on his chest and just listen to the slow steady beat of his heart and then I look up at him and smile as he lays a gentle kiss on my forehead.
I stumble out of bed completly in awe about the dream I had, my stomach tied in knots and my heart pounding as I think of him. I miss him and can't wait to hear from him...
Monday, July 9, 2007
New Blog
Time to start out new. Time to start a new blog and time to let out all my hopes, fears and anything that goes around in my head. Ill start off by saying that I need this fresh start. Have so much going on about right now.. think I am going to go nuts. More on that later...
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