Back... Maybe

So I haven't done this whole blogging thing in a bit.Ive been dreaming of course , except nothing has been the same since He and I drifted apart. I miss him terribly but in the end i know it was for the best. So whats been new. Not much really . Life is hectic as always and I have a new job again . It sucks but hey... it pays the bills.

I had a new friend for a while.Lets call him G . He was 40 but still very good looking .The sex was good but I stupidly fell in love with him and told him how I felt praying and hoping so hard that he wouldn't run. But in the end I lost him. I miss his kisses against my skin , his warm hands against my naked body. I miss the way he would kiss my forehead when I was feeling down or tell me it was all gonna be okay. In the end it was all Bullshit.

The problem with me is that I fall in love too easily. I let people in without thinking of the outcome. Everyone gets a chance in my books . Everyone is equal and everyone is trusted and loved until they are given a reason not to be.

My 22nd birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I am fairly sure I will be spending it alone again this year.No cake , no presents , no friends or family around other then the usual mom , brother and step dad. Last year on my birthday the 4 of us went out to dinner ( which I paid my 4th of the bill) and then I went to the movies alone to see Shrek the 3rd and then walked home in the pouring rain. It sucked.

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. I just want to love and be loved by family , men and what not and I cant even seem to get that. Am I that bad of a person that I don't deserve happiness ? Am I that much of a bitch that not one man has been in my life for more then a few months ? Seriously ... Whats wrong with me ????

Guess I will finish off this blog by adding a picture and typing in my most recent poem in here. Enjoy and sorry about all the ranting and bitching.

Fix Me
I hear the pieces of my broken heart
Yearning for that special kiss.
To feel the touch
Of him I love.
A tender touch
So warm and true
Mending up the pieces whole.
I long for him
I wait for him
The one who’ll make me live again.
I wait and wait
The days are passing
And time is running.
I hope and pray that he is near.
The man I’ll hold so dear.